Chloe: Critic Girl/Renaissance Woman

January 22, 2005

Seriously Saved!: Not Another Teen Movie

Filed under: Film and Television

Aside from Mandy Moore’s line “I am filled with Christ’s love!” punctuated by a literal throwing of The Good Book at Jena Malone (sweet impregnated Mary Cummings), this movie really isn’t very funny.

Which isn’t to say that it’s not good, or light, or even fun, but touted by a friend as the “Christian Mean Girls,” it doesn’t come close. This is actually a movie with a message and it uses the teen movie genre as vehicle for the “Not everyone fits in all of the time” message and “Christ even loves you if you drive your handicap-mobile into him at full speed and cause his decapitation.” Okay, so that part was a bit funny.

I also liked the special feature with over-laid commentary by Jena Malone and Mandy Moore. The only problem is that their voices are so similar that I couldn’t tell who was who, or worse, who was more annoying. Jena overcompensates her smaller-name-status by recounting every detail about every part of everyone else’s experience and Mandy tries not to sound pouty when she realizes that she isn’t the star of the movie and Jena had a lot more scenes with a lot more people. So…annoying, but at least interesting to hear from the actor’s perspective and not just from the usual director/writer combo.

And props for the obvious but well-played gag:
Dean: I’m the father.
Patrick: I’m the boyfriend.
Dean’s roommate: I’m his boyfriend.

And for the obvious but well-played move by mom, Mary-Louise Parker, to hop in with her contraction-ridden under-age pregnant prom-dress-clad daughter.

Overall, the movie was not complicated. It was not a raucous comedy. It definitely didn’t inspire millions of small children to do anything (except maybe to be gay or a teen mom) and lacked the glamour of other teen movies. That said, it was muted, well done, and interesting. Almost a 1950s simplicity in a 2000s setting with contemporary morals and a very up to date message.

January 21, 2005

Newlyweds: The Diva in You is the Diva in Me

Filed under: Film and Television

Did I mention my natural diva tendencies? My deep seeded desires to actually let my inner Veruca Salt loose on the world?

I did it. I actually procured and watched the entire first season of Nick & Jessica: Newlyweds.

Aside from studiously taking notes on how to look like a diva without taking a shower and personally shaming myself for noticing when Jessica dared repeat an outfit, it was a generally useless time spent.

Useless disclaimer uttered, and I will now go into my complete fascination with this woman. Yes, I want her life. No, I wouldn’t kick her husband out of bed for eating crackers. Do I mind watching the whining, farting, moaning thing get all those things that I would (theoretically) give most things I’ve got for? (My personal knowledge of popular culture and food stuffs, along with my attemps at intellectualism exempted of course)

No. It’s actually entertaining. Sad because it’s one thing for a twenty-something to then want to be her, but another thing for a pre-teen to think that’s how to get what you want it life - big t*ts and a lot of fits thrown.

I even, dare I say it, contemplated purchasing it. I still might. Celebration of my inner diva has never been quite so easy. Mine’s clearly better than hers.

Cheers!

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